Confession time! I was recently selfish for a whole two weeks!! In my (44) years of working, I have never taken a two-week vacation. I wouldn't have thought to do it in my current position, but I have an incredible leadership team that works closely to encourage and support each other.
When I think about being gone from work for 14 days I consider it pure selfishness. Or is it?
The definition of selfishness is "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : 1: seeking or concentrating on one's advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. 2: arising from concern with one's welfare or advantage in disregard of others a selfish act."
Leaving an incredibly busy and sometimes stressful job to refresh is not self-serving, but self-care. It was regard for others that motivated me to take the time for myself. With full transparency, I can get cranky, stressed, and snarky when I get tired. When I feel worn out by decision making, meeting financial goals, and leading a team of development professionals I need to get away by myself.
I'm not complaining about those that I work with as they are fabulous, but the energy that is needed to balance work and home can be taxing even on the strongest of leaders. John Heider stated, "Enlightened leadership is service, not selfishness" (QuoteHD.com)
So I escaped from the Wisconsin winter that continues to plague us this week with snow and went to sunny Florida. I am blessed to have a sister who lives there and she was gracious enough to sense my need for quietness, solitude, and the beach. Every day I dropped her off at work and used her car to drive to a warm beach to hang out collecting shells, walking through the waves, or people watching. I lost six lbs. in those two weeks walking the beach and devouring water. #winwin
Restorative Counseling believes there are a few key differentiations between self-care and selfishness:
Self-care is about taking care of your feelings so you do not project them onto others.
Selfishness is having a “me, me, me” mentality in which the person consistently only thinks of their own needs and wants with little, if any, consideration for others and their needs.
Self-care is basic to fulfilling your potential, discovering your purpose, and experiencing joy.
While self-care allows one to be open and share with others, selfishness often leads to isolation and loneliness (https://rcchicago.org/self-care/)
Another great resource for self-care comes from Matthew 11: 28-30 in the words of Jesus, the greatest example of servant leadership. "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
So the next time you need to be selfish, don't feel guilty. Schedule your respite. Hideaway. Reflect. Refresh. Meditate. Sleep. Pray. Enjoy. As we know life can be a beach, if even for 2 weeks.
What She Said ~ Beverly
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