Ever feel like you are butting heads with someone who doesn't understand you? Someone who doesn't try to understand you? Or someone who just loves to disagree? Well my friends, that is conflict and it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings to deal with both personally and professionally.
For those of us who tend to be fight(ers) instead of flight(ers), you would assume that we thrive on conflict. As a fighter by nature, I don't like conflict but I won't shy away from it. What I have to consider is not being the victor in the fight, but the outcome of the conflict.
How will it make the other person feel?
Will it harm our relationship?
Will it jeopardize future communications?
In their book, Developing Your Conflict Competence, Runde and Flanagan states, "So the question isn't one of whether or not you'll experience conflict or how to reduce or avoid it. Instead, the question is what will you get out of the conflict when it does occur. Depending on how you respond, that something can be good or bad, constructive or destructive, invigorating or debilitating" (2010).
There are many books on conflict management that can explain step by step how to resolve conflict and to have what Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler calls Crucial Conversations (2012) with others.
One concept is conflict competence.
Conflict competence is the ability to develop and use cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills that enhance productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm. Three model steps include: cooling down, slowing down, and engaging constructively (Runde & Flanagan, 2010).
In leadership development, the soft skills of empathy, communication, teamworking and problem-solving demonstrate success in conflict resolution.
Empathy - The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Communication - Sending or receiving information.
Teamwork - The combined action of a group of people, especially when effective and efficient.
Problem Solving - The process of finding solutions to difficult or complex issues.
So the next time you are faced with a conflict remember CSE (cool down, slow down and engage constructively) as its much more productive than ANGER.
What She Said ~ Beverly
Fantastic, simple reminder of how to engage in the inevitable